Chapter 21: Me - the honorary paramedic

The street on which Tom Cat Towers sits is also known locally as ‘Ambulance Alley’ for two reasons.

Firstly, humans of a really great age live along there so invariably there's a 'scoop and run' in progress. Secondly, when the motorway is closed, which happens with great regularity, the whole town is grid locked so this street is a bit of a rat run for ambulances, police and paramedics in emergencies.

They whizz past with their blue lights flashing and their sirens sounding. It’s quite good fun to press my nose up against the glass pane at the front door and watch them.

One day not one, but two stopped outside the front garden of Tom Cat Towers. It was all very exciting.

Our human went into anaphylactic shock. She had the presence of mind to dial 999 and within two minutes a green and yellow vehicle, with blue flashing lights had pulled up and two paramedics were in the front room. What fun!! Ginger custard immediately disappeared to hide, quivering with fear, behind a chair; he hates people coming into the house. Bit of a shame he missed it as it was quite a cabaret act.

The human had lots of little sticky dots placed all over her and they were connected by thin wires to a machine that blipped and pinged. It really was fascinating! I paddled out from under the table where I had been cautiously watching what was going on. I went right up to the pinging machine and there on the screen was a green line that went up and down in time with the blips and pings as it made its way across the screen, I patted it with my paw. There were bits of medical kit all over the floor for me to inspect.  One of the men in green clothes had a bag which looked rather interesting and I put my head into it to see what was in there. They thought I was very cute and adorable. They both laughed and called me an honorary paramedic for assisting!!

They then put two taps like things into the human’s vein in her hand and in her elbow. That made her wince a bit! Then a load of hypodermics, similar to those used by my heartthrob Saint Ben were discharged into her. I was absolutely gob smacked. I didn’t realise humans had their own vets too.

A proper big yellow ambulance arrived, all flashing lights and sirens as it screeched to a halt outside Tom Cat Towers. Even more people in green uniforms piled into the lounge; this really was getting to be a fun afternoon, what great entertainment my human was laying on. Again, I was pronounced adorable as one of them tried to stroke me.

Next thing, my human was bundled out of the house, placed in the big ambulance, the doors slammed shut and off they all went in a rush. I watched from behind the net curtains in the bedroom.

The house was quiet. Bit of a let down after all the excitement. In fact for hours the house was quiet and it started to go cold as there was no human to turn on the radiators for me.  Then I realised, there was no-one to feed me. No good looking at Wills for help. He was still cowering behind a chair.

Eventually, when it was very late and very dark, my human arrived home. The taps had been removed from her hand and arms but she was covered in bruises and smelt like she’d been to the vets. I was so pleased to see her back. I spent all night snuggled up in bed with her. Something I don’t normally do and something which annoyed Dumpty snooty pants who had stayed in the bedroom the entire time and just ignored the circus which had played out earlier.

Willi’s version

We live on a very noisy street. Ambulances, paramedics and police cars zip up and down at all hours sirens wailing. I’m surprised that Dumpty the royal floozy pants gets her 23 and a half hours beauty sleep a day in with the constant racket!

My human became very ill very suddenly and within a couple of minutes it was panic stations as the placed was filled with people in green all looking at noisy screen which she had been hooked up to, and injecting her with stuff.

I don’t like strangers, so when it all kicked off I slinked, tummy low to the ground, ears back and eyes big with fear behind the chair when I nervously watched. I only came out a few hours after the men in green had taken the human away. I couldn’t believe how Dippi just waddled round everyone soliciting attention.

Thankfully the human was back just before bedtime in order to feed us.