Chapter 33: Willi saves me from murderous pet blackbirds ...

Fabulous day!! The sun was shining, birds singing and the French windows were open so I lobbed myself over the threshold and out onto the patio just as the grey bimbo, fluffy pantaloons, was ambling back inside.

She had been outside inspecting her Royal Collection of blackbirds. One of them was still sitting on the patio almost dozing, so I very slowly crept up to it to see what all the fuss is about. My human wasn't anywhere to be seen as I would have been scufted away.

When I was feral I dreamed of catching and eating a bird. I was soooo hungry and insects didn't quite fill my rumbly tummy. Here was the stuff of my dreams, one of Dumpty's tame blackbirds which comes into the house and hops round on the carpet where she sits. I very slowly started to sniff the feathers. It didn't smell like food. I looked him in the eye and he quite brazenly stared back at me, totally unconcerned. I was just lowering my head to take a good lick to see what birds taste like when the ginger wuss came galloping round the corner of the lawn and disturbed the blackbird. It didn't panic; clearly the ginger idiot isn't viewed as a threat by the bird population. It yawned then lazily took off and landed in the Leylandii trees looking down at us.

So yet again the lolloping loon had put the mockers on any fun I could have had. I wearily went back inside and sat in a cardboard box on the carpet so I could close my eyes and have a doze, only to find a few seconds later the ginger twerp had joined me and was fully alert looking out for blackbirds as if they were some sort of threat. Trouble is that he is so big he squashed me up the corner of the box into a tiny space which was rather uncomfortable. Why does he feel that he has to be with me all the time?

Willi's version

I know I am not allowed near Dumpty's pet blackbirds. But they are just temptation beyond belief for a rufty tufty sort of a hunter gatherer like me.

When I plodded round to the patio Dippi was sitting by one of the blackbirds and was in imminent peril. The bird was almost as big as Dippi. They can be quite nasty things if you are a little cat and not always on guard, with killer instincts, like me.

They can give quite a nasty nip with their beaks. So I rushed towards it and shooed it away. For some inexplicable reason Dipps wasn't too grateful at having her life saved. I was given a severe snort of disgust as she went to seek refuge in a cardboard box in the lounge.

With her safety in mind, I climbed into the box, my eyes fully peeled and alert for any other dangerous wildlife that may endanger her life.

I am sooooo such a hero. I just wish Dippi would realise what sacrifices I make being around her 24/7 making sure she is safe at all times.