Not impressed with service at all today. Maid didn't get up and go to the place called work.

Dumpty with human catnipIn fact she had a coffee in bed and a luxury mince pie before she even thought to hand feed me my favourite kibbles and give me a good stroke and tickle. I withheld purrs. She has to learn that I take precedence in this household and her own simple needs must come second.

There was a lot of paper rustling from the lounge later in the morning so I went to see what was going on, all the noise was disturbing my beauty sleep routine. Gingie-crew had some parcels which they were tearing away at to reveal catnip mice; even Mikey-Mike had a catnip mouse. Disgraceful. I hope it isn’t coming out of the funds that are set aside to maintain me. I almost fainted when I saw how many bottles of the human catnip, champagne, Maid had. I think she seriously needs help, I do wish other humans would stop feeding her habit.

There was one present for me under the tree on the table, so I gently teased it down with my paw and sniffed it. Then I sat and looked at it until Maid came and unwrapped it for me. You don't do things for yourself when you have staff to do it for you; you don’t keep a human and meow yourself as the saying goes.

I gave the catnip mouse a suspicious glare then went back to my bed, the gaiety with humans and Gingie-crew was too overpowering and had quite worn me out. A little later, Maid, in a new jumper, bought the catnip mouse to me and placed it on the bed by me. I didn't open my eyes until I was sure that she had left the room. The catnip smelt good and I hooked it with my claw and rubbed my whiskers round it, then with absolute abandon, I surrendered myself to the adorable smell and rolled round on the bed just drooling on it.  This is a very high quality catnip, certainly not the rubbish which Maid buys me. I just hope Gingie-crew don't find it and drool on it when I’m not around.  I can't bear another cat's dribble on my mouse. In the evening Maid bought me my refreshments; made by a high class purveyor of cat food, turkey pate served on my special table on my bed.

Maid’s version!

Christmas Day. Madam begrudgingly joined us in the lounge for present opening. Unlike the other two she is too stupid to open her own present so I had to do it for her. She then sloped off back to bed. I took her one of her presents which had been sent to her by a fan; a Culpeper Catnip mouse. The very best that money can buy. At first she showed no interest, but an hour later when I went into the room she was wide-eyed with the effect of it and there was purr drool all over the duvet, she'd obviously enjoyed her Christmas present!! Gingie-crew wolfed down the turkey scraps after dinner whilst Madam tucked into a pot of her favourite turkey pate, served on the bed of course. Madam likes to dine alone!

Five Good Reasons for Having Your Cat Neutered

  • Reduces fighting, injury and noise
  • Reduces spraying and smelling
  • Much less likely to wander and get lost
  • Safer from diseases like feline AIDS, mammary tumours and feline leukaemia
  • Reduces the number of unwanted kittens

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