The Saga Continues (Part 2)

Recently, I have been subject to a constant parade of humans who come to see, film and talk to me on my designer duvet here in the master bedroom at Tom Cat Towers which I generously share with a human I refer to as Maid.

I view them all as potential new staff. Sometime soon I shall have to consider Maid too old and too frail to carry on with her duties and need to plan for this event.  Some humans I have greeted with a fluffed up tail and smile on my whiskers as I allow them the extreme honour of stroking the royal body … me. Some humans I have yawned at, rolled over and ignored them whilst I continue my snoozles. A girl needs her 23 hours a day beauty sleep.

I do not know why I am suddenly receiving so much attention from a stream of assorted humans. I can only assume it is because I am a regal Himalayan Lynx, and soon I shall be rehomed in a residence more fitting to my royal status, such as a royal palace. Until the palace is ready for me to take up residence, I am temporarily residing at Tom Cat Towers in England with my personal Maid. I also share the property (begrudgingly, I have to add, with Willi Whizkas and Dippi-Duck, who I refer to as the Gingie-crew. They really are rather chav with tiresomely low standards, especially at mealtimes when they eat off the floor. For goodness sake have they no manners? 

I do find all the attention from humans rather tiring and to amuse myself, on occasions I have taken being uncooperative to new heights which has bought a twinkle of amusement to my whiskers! One animal photographer who ticked every box he could possibly achieve for behaviour and the manner in which he approached me was met with the ultimate tongue curling hiss which I could muster, I also put my ears back flat to my head and dilated my pupils for the ultimate effect as if he had beaten me within an inch of my whiskers! Such fun.

Dippi-Duck is so jealous; she has tried to force herself into every shot, every frame. She even supervised the television film crews unpacking their equipment whilst I lay on my designer Lulu Guinness duvet being preened for each shot. I am just amazed that humans roll into my bedroom to be in my royal presence. With my regal lineage, humans are there to heed my biding, I shall do sociable when and if I am in the mood. No cat should be at the beck and call to a human

Now that Maid has turned 50 I do need to seriously consider my future. I did not know that human’s lived that long, this clearly is the reason for the poor service I have been receiving. Age is obviously slowing her down and I know that, possibly very soon, I shall have to carry out the act of ultimate kindness and have her put down; I know that she will appreciate this. However, each specimen of human who I have interviewed to date has not really had any shining quality that allows me to offer them employment over the current Maid. I suppose I shall just have to carry on enduring second rate service.

Maid’s version!

Madam spends most of her day sleeping on my Lulu Guinness duvet which I bought as an unwanted wedding present from Stafford car boot sale.

Being daft, I then bought another so I can wash one whilst one is on the bed so Madam has no change in her routine! She refuses absolutely, to have anything to do with my other two cats, who in return see her as Princess Picky Posh Pants, no better than a fluffy nightdress case who doesn’t do what normal cats do. They like going out and having adventures and spending hours looking for mice in the undergrowth. I think Madam would have the fit of the vapours if she ever saw a mouse!

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