The Saga Continues (Part 4)

I was bored. There is only so much snoozing and sleeping a cat can do in twenty three hours a day. So one evening, I plopped down from my designer duvet and yawning, I plodded into the lounge. I flopped down by the windows, stretched, and peered out into the darkness of the night.

Willi Whizkas, the big ginger wuss, dashed across the garden and dived into the hedgerow.  Suddenly Maid jumped up out of her chair and ran outside shouting. I’ve never seen her move so quick. At her great age I didn’t think she had it in her and was faintly concerned that rushing around like that was not good for her. Her heart may have a power failure. I don’t want self inflicted injuries impeding her service to me.

Two minutes later she came back indoors with a tiny baby bird in her hands.

I was stunned. I didn’t think humans caught their own prey. To be honest I was also a little impressed with Maid. This proves if ever the need arises, and I do not believe that I will ever have to stoop so low, she can catch food to feed me, and of course having no claws on her furless fingers she is able to de-feather my prey for me.

She placed it in a white bowl. The bird escaped and fluttered clumsily across the kitchen. Maid re-caught the bird but by then I had lost interest and was slurping water from my china dish with a gold crest and two lions on it which has clearly been sent from the Royal Palace where I shall soon be residing. When I looked around again, the bird had gone. I can only assume Maid had eaten it; however there were no bones or feathers. She must have eaten it whole. Humans, they never cease to amaze me!

I also have to conclude that humans are a very basic life form. Certainly, not as evolved as we felines are.

I was giving Madam a good pummelling with my paws on her chest in the middle of the night, my eyes were half closed as I mused upon the thought of what I may be served with for breakfast when I realized that Maid only has two nipples. I was quite shocked and pawed round some more on her chest and tummy, but no, she defiantly has only got two nipples, surrounded by great orbs of fat. Heaven help her if she ever had a litter of human kittens, although at her age I imagine that she is either too old or has been neutered. I of course have six magnificent nipples on my tummy, thus I am the greater species.

Content, I gave Maid a clout on her nose, claws sheathed, just to show her who was boss then I snuggled down on the pillow and began the process of hogging the bed, pushing Maid up into as small a corner as I could.

Maid’s version!

A flash of ginger and a rustle in the bushes outside meant that Wills was up to mischief. I grabbed a torch and ran out into the night. He had caught something and sat with a silly grin on his whiskers at the bottom of the garden as his prey lay at his feet. I assumed it was another frog. His favourite game is ‘frog-frightening’. He lingers round the pond and rounds the frogs up in season. He doesn’t hurt them. He treats it as a bit of fun, keeping his hunting skills up to date.

 Instead it was a tiny fledgling bird. I scooped it up and took it inside. It must have fallen from a nest. A quick check revealed no damage, and it even tried to fly across the kitchen, landing near Dippi-Duck, who was slow to realize what it was as she wibbled, wobbled and fell over, poor cat is so disabled that life just passes her by before she realizes what has happened. By the time her very damaged brain registered that it was a bird and she was trying to focus on it, I had re-caught it. Madam Dumpty, of course, had lost interest and was drinking water from her Wedgwood china bowl which I had bought as a souvenir from the QE2. I took the poor little scrap of a bird back down the garden and placed it where its mother was chirruping excitedly.

Twenty minutes later I went out and checked. The baby bird and its mom had gone. I checked all around in case it was hiding, but the birds had definitely left the garden. I hope it was alright after its brush with the big ginger wustard! I think what saved it was Willi recently had a load of teeth removed, including a fang, so I don’t think he’s now as deadly to wildlife as he used to be! In fact his teeth are deteriorating at a fast rate that soon he will only be able to suck the wildlife. 3am and Madam decided to give my tummy a moggy-massage, I am so honoured to have had my sleep disturbed!

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