The Saga Continues (Part 5)

Dippi-Duck cockily wobbled into my bedroom and lobbed herself onto the Lulu Guinness duvet on my bed to have a snooze on the pillow. I do not appreciate company and so let out a low, menacing growl, which was just ignored. Dippi is such a chav.

She takes great delight in giving Will’s nose a good thumping. She has had a pop at me now and again but I just ignore her, her species as a mere Persian – and one who had to be rehomed does not come onto my regal radar.

I have inadvertently found a way to punish Maid. It really is very effective and will be stored as ammunition for when the stupid girl falls short of the mark in my service - again.

Feeling rather peckish I noted that my crystal bowl on my bed hadn’t been filled with kibbles by Maid before she went to the place called work. I padded into the kitchen past the sleeping carcass of Willi Whizkas who was snoring his ears off – idiot cat, covered in bits of leaves and slugs as usual. Dippi was by the window shaking and wobbling at the sight of a leaf blowing round the lawn. All the cat food in the feeding station in the kitchen had been Hoovered up by Gingie-crew, just a few gobs dried on side of the plate. There was a dead fly floating in their water bowl.

With a heavy sigh I turned to drag myself back to my designer duvet to wait for Maid to come home and offer me my evening service. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the tub where Maid stores the kibbles for my blackbirds. The lid was off, the paw of suspicion points to Willi who is a known thief where food is involved. In fact when I peered into the tub it was more than half empty so it was apparent that the ginger gut truck had been helping himself. I dipped my head in. The kibbles smelt quite vile, obviously the cheapest of the cheap. I lowered my head and let a kibble find its way between my fangs. It was rather crunchy, not like the soft baked up market kibbles I have. But I was desperately hungry so I allowed myself to indulge in about a plateful before I made my way back to my Lulu Guinness duvet for a siesta.

It was only later in the evening when Maid was back that the problem manifested itself. My delicate tummy rumbled and gurgled. Clearly cheap food is not a suitable part of a diet for a royal Himalayan Lynx. I burped a couple of times and was almost tempted to sick them up onto Maid’s pillow, but I managed to keep them down.

As Maid joined me on the bed for some attention, I allowed her the privilege of a purr. She cuddled up to me and placed her head on my tummy as I lay on the bed. That’s when it happened. Most unladylike and I am almost ashamed. I broke wind, right into Maid’s face. The look of pure horror Maid had as she leapt away from me. Her nose was coiled in disgust. Even I was struggling to breathe. Maid was almost choking by now and tears filled her eyes, I thought she was going to be sick.  Copious amounts of air freshener followed and then a very fragrant Molton Brown rose granati candle was plonked by my bedside. Shame it wasn’t a catnip fragranced candle. I know the ultimate weapon to use when Maid next steps out of line, and I think she should be very afraid.

The smell was really appalling, even worse than the ones Will squeaks out after he’s eaten rotten dead mice!

Maid’s version!

Madam and Wills do begrudgingly get on and occasionally cuddle up on the bed, but only if she lets him. But she does not like Dippi-Duck at all, and will growl at her when she jumps onto the bed, but basically it’s just handbags at dawn with the two of them. Madam is always first to growl, but is a big coward. Poor Dippi is so shaky she falls over when she hisses and cannot meow no matter how wide she opens her mouth, so there’ll never be a full blown fight. Once they’ve had a little hissy fit and growl at each other they tend to get quite close then go to sleep. But I get the impression that Madam is not totally comfortable and that Dippi is doing it to wind her up!

Dippi-Duck had been on the point of death when she was rescued. Her mouth was sealed over with blood and saliva; it’s possible she had been in an accident. She was damaged at birth due to severe inbreeding and constantly shakes her head up and down, especially when trying to concentrate. She cannot walk straight, her paws go anywhere but where she intends them to be, and she constantly falls over. The vet says if her extreme brain damage, doesn’t bother her, then it shouldn’t bother us. Dippi thinks she is a large as a lion and twice as fierce! She really has big-cat attitude!

• < Prev
• Next >