Reminder to self, Sack Maid.

I was reclining on my designer duvet inspecting my paws when I glanced out of the window. Maid had taken a few of my personal cat kibbles, about seven of them and was hand feeding them one by one to Mikey-mike who was sat by my catnip bush in my garden. He in turn was parading round her legs, purring, growling and drooling and making a total fool of himself with his cupboard love parade. Quite pathetic.

Mike-mike is a vagrant, a tom-cat-tramp. A low life cat that couldn’t keep hold of his own humans and has a new career; begging for a living.

I am happy that he has kitchen scraps from Tom Cat Towers, as long as they are put outside the gates, but not my kibbles. Strawberries to a pig clattered through my air-head mind!

Mikey-mike is multi-skilled. He purrs, hisses, meows and growls at the same time. Maid loves him, obviously easily seduced by his cheap charlatan tricks. I have a horrific vision of Mikey-mike being allowed into the house, or even worse, adopted as a Tom Cat Towers Tom and allowed to sleep on my bed. I had to make my opinions on this very clear.

When Maid came in, despite washing her hands, when she came to stroke me I put my ears right back and hissed quite violently, as if to say I could still smell Mikey-mike on her hands. My disciplinary reprimand was laughed at as she picked me up cuddling me telling me I was the only love of her life. She soon was back in my good books as I was hand-fed my luxury kibbles.

I was in such a good mood I actually, quite generously gave Maid the afternoon off. She put her best plumage and perfume on then went out about midday. She was not back by 1pm a whole hour later. Clearly, taking advantage of my extremely kind nature, by giving my staff time off.

It was 6pm before she came back after a ‘long-lunch’ smelling of that red-wine stuff which makes Maid silly. I stood up on my duvet with a welcoming smile on my whiskers, only to be ignored as she took off her posh-frock and slithered into her staff uniform of a black nightie. Only then did she think to feed me. By then I was so starved, I could have eaten the pillows. This is the last time I will allow staff to have time off, apart from going to the place called work so that I can snooze the day away in peace, if this is how they take advantage of me.

Maid’s version

Mikey-mike came round for his usual feed. I gave him a few cat kibbles and he seemed to enjoy them, he’s grateful for anything I put out for him to eat. I feel sorry for him as he’s such a character, very vocal.

He can’t decide whether to purr or growl! He needs a good groom and someone to love him, he’s a sweetheart! Willi and Dippi don’t seem at all bothered by him. He eats his food from the bowl by the gate, but will never step paw through the gate, no matter how hard he is encouraged. It’s as if he is grateful for his food but doesn’t want to intrude on the other’s cat’s territory! When Madam catches a glimpse of him through the window, she gives him a real snotty look.

I forgot to feed Madam before we went out for lunch! This error was very pointedly made to me when I got home!

  

A Morning Kiss

A morning kiss, a discreet touch of his nose landing somewhere on the middle of my face.
Because his long white whiskers tickled, I began every day laughing.

Janet F Faure

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