Fearless feline freedom fighters, members of the Claw Fellowship are still fighting the evil, tyrannical rule of Saxe-Tuborg Gothic, who continues to run her global terrorist operations from Mur-der.

The Fellowship members have realised that clandestine operations can only go so far. The new brainwashing tool of choice, the mobile phone, is making all other media devices obsolete. The zombies are being ‘incentivised’ into buying glasses which give readouts in front of their eyes, and swallowing micro-chipped pills which will enable their bodies to operate as ‘biological authentication systems.’ The queue has already started to form. And while they are there, some are having microchips fitted in their heads.

Cat is being set against dog. Bird against bird, cow against sheep, dolphin against seal. STG’s army of taxmen, stolen organ couriers, and privatised security thugs is growing daily. STG’s distant relative, Vlad the Impaler was a Romanian. They are using former tyrant Ceausescu’s Romania as a model for the brave new world, in which half the population controls and spies on the other half. And the spied on half is split into factions who are encouraged by the media and goaded by STG’s thugs to hate and fight each other.

But this endlessly depressing scenario will not be allowed to reach the point of no return.

The Fellowship has decided to use new tactics. It is a proven scientific fact that cats purrs heal. Despite free purring ‘apps’ from STG, even the most dumbed-down, fox-meat loving, aspartame addicted, X-factored zombie prefers, even in government manipulated polls, the ‘real thing.’

Silence is becoming the new noise. STG’s music goons, Fleeceyer, Pay-Z, Smiley Virus, Once-a-Day and Medinner are rapidly losing ground to relaxation music and the sounds of nature. Industry ‘heads’ are in a cleft stick. The more they complain, the noisier it gets, the more unpopular they become. Nylon Towell, the ‘Noise’ guru has been found on an officially denied suicide list.

The seemingly false wave of love and compassion for all sentient beings at Christmas has been found not to be false after all. Former eugenicist Attenborough has come clean. He has publicly apologised for fronting endless documentaries which depict animals as stupid, killing and breeding machines fit only to tear each other to pieces for public entertainment.

candalfAll the time the Fellowship has been on its quest, a mysterious ginger tom, Candalf, has been shadowing their every move.

Fellowship groups are springing up all over the world, communicating intuitively, their heads free of noise, advertising jingles and Wi-Fi; their pineal glands unaffected by aluminum and fluoride.

However, Candalf has issued a stern warning to those who would listen:

“The hordes of Mur-der have no soul, no compassion and no empathy. Do not fall into the trap of judging them as you would other sentient beings. They have been made in the image of the evil one, Saxe-Tuborg-Gothic, a woman whose unspeakable deeds will one day be exposed, and millions of you, even billions, will be unable to handle the terrible truth…”

“The Claw Fellowship and myself see things very simply. Humans have been a slave race for hundreds of thousands of years. Technology has now reached a point where it is possible for STG and her kind to fully control humanity through the media, genetically modified food and electronic devices. Even the ancient Greeks over 2000 years ago saw the earth as being over-populated. To those who rule your planet, the correct-population levels are those which they can easily control. They have immortalisedthis in the Georgia Guidestones in the USA. Their target global population is 500 million.

HeavenWe see you as falling into 3 categories. The sleeping, the drowsy and the awakened. My task-and that of the Claw Fellowship-is to smile and let the sleepers be, and invite the awakened to join with us to shake up the drowsy, the only ones who have a real chance of seeing paradise unfold.

The sleepers have an uncertain future. When the earth shifts, they may cascade into the hell hole created by STG and stay there. Or they may awake into the paradise the Global Claw Fellowship has helped create. The drowsy may stay asleep or awake that bit quicker to help us in our quest. 

In this way, we all get what we expect or wish to create. The alternative, being hastily pushed through by the evil one can be summed up by your George Orwell, ‘If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever.’"

And with that, Candalf, turned, rallied his by now ever-growing group of followers and declared:

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Jimmy, Valentine’s Day 2014 imminent.

Jimmy and Daisy Christmas 2013Here I am with Daisy at Christmas.

 

 

Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)

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