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this kissing malarkeyWhat is this kissing malarkey all about? Why are humans so obsessed with kissing, either giving them or receiving them? I ask this of my fellow feline followers because I accidentally kissed Mum the other day, and you’d think I was up there with the likes of Einstein or Stephen Hawking. (In case you’re wondering, I do know about those men because I watch the same television programmes as Mum does and it’s amazing how much goes into one’s brain when you least expect it).

Kissing, then.  She leaned in towards me and I leaned up towards her and our noses touched.  Briefly.  A brief encounter.  She made such a song and dance about it. ‘Casey,’ she cried, ‘you gave Mummy a kiss!’  And she danced out of the room like all her dreams had come true all at once.  I did what all self-respecting cats always do: I gave my nether regions a thorough spruce up and then went to sleep for five hours.

If only that was the end of it, but you know how this pans out, don’t you? Of course, you do because it’s happened to most of you, too.  The next time we were on the sofa together, she leaned in toward me again and said those dreaded words: ‘Give Mummy a kiss, Casey.’  I feigned sleep.  But she wasn’t done with trying.  ’Casey, give Mummy a kiss.  Ple-ase.’  If there’s one thing I hate, it’s a human that begs.  It’s so demeaning and undignified.   I opened one eye. ‘Do I have you?’

Realising that her luck was out at this moment in time, she continued watching the latest programme that’s taken her fancy: ‘Ancient Aliens’.  I must admit I quite enjoy this programme too, but I had to forfeit my enjoyment of it to prove a point: cats don’t do what their human expect them to do at the exact point of time they expect it. 

Through semi-closed eyes, I watched the programme but as my bum was nearest to Mum she didn’t know this.  A bit later, I thought I’d surprise her and my face and bum swapped places and I pushed my nose up to hers.  Oh, the joy that spread over her face; it was worth doing just to see that smile.

Mum told me about Garfield.  I never met him, and some of you may remember him from stories on here that Mum’s written about him.  He was a great kisser, apparently, kissing all Mum’s guests, whoever they were.  He was very astute about potential suitors as well, sitting in between Mum and the prospective beau making sure that no funny business went on.  If he liked the suitor, then he would be licked to within an inch of his life and kissed as if the world would end at that very second if he didn’t kiss the poor man.

Mum didn’t have to beg from Garfield, or any of the other cats that lived here before me and Gibbs came on the scene.  Garfield would automatically kiss Mum whether she asked for one or not.  And I think because Gibbs and I are more reserved with our public displays of affection (and this could be down to our genetic makeup) this is harder for Mum to appreciate. 

Another point worth mentioning here is that people worry about germs.  Well, let me tell you, dear reader, WE worry about germs as well.  The things you humans put in your mouths would turn most cats off.  That stick thing with the light at the end of it?  Definitely gives you dog breath.  Not wanting to ever kiss a dog myself, I can’t see the value or delight in kissing a human that smells of dog.  I have to say that Mum doesn’t smell of dog because she doesn’t ever put them stick things with the light at the end in her mouth.  That’s a relief, because that would be a major turn off.

I think Gibbs (who likes to sit on her lap – whereas I don’t) and I love Mum a lot, but kissing is something you grow into as time goes by.  I’ve only lived with Mum for about four or five of your years and Gibbs even less – and he’s never tried to kiss her. I will probably kiss her again sometime, but not for a while if I can help it!  You can have too much of a good thing, you know!

Till the next time.

Casey

xxx

A Cats Prayer

Lead me down all the right paths,
Keep me from fleas, bees, and baths.
Let me in should it storm,
Keep me safe, fed, and warm.

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