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I’M IN THE DOGHOUSE!

Now, you may be thinking to yourself . . . Oi . . . Oi . . . Oi . . . That’s no place for a cat! And I would heartily agree but let me relate the circumstances and see if I can manoeuvre my way into the good books (once again) of my beloved.

As we all know, February contains the most ‘loved-up’ day of the year. St. Valentine’s Day. February 14th is the one day to which I look forward all year long.

It is marked on my calendar as ‘Cleo’s Day’ to remind me that I must do everything within my power to make this day special for the love of my life. Cleopatra.

I scrimp and save throughout the year, cutting back on the treats, as you can see.

I starve myself in order to purchase an extravagant gift that will make my girl squeal with delight. And this year was no different. I had the whole day planned.

As this is the last Valentine’s Day that we shall experience as an engaged couple I decided to go BIG and OVER THE TOP. There was going to be the finest Pawsecco, caviar and Turkey giblets! (Cleo’s favourite). A plane to Gretna was on stand-by in case she could no longer control herself and a secret elopement was on the cards.  

I even had a stash of my sisfur’s catnip at the ready, right next to the pearl necklace and earrings which I intended to bestow upon my love. I tell you, this Valentine’s Day was going to be MASSIVE.

So, WTFloof happened? I hear you ask.

It all started long ago when I became embroiled with a nefarious rabbit who tricked me into signing a contract with him to be my agent. It’s a complicated story but the gist of it is, the screwy rabbit sued me for breach of contract, and we went to court, on February 14th of all days, to settle the matter.

I was advised by a not-so-helpful pal of mine to sing to the judge and was charged with contempt of court. Valentine’s Day ended with me in jail! Needless to say, Cleopatra was not a happy kitty.

So, I am about to grovel like I have never grovelled before and hope she will forgive my unacceptable behaviour.

A Poem For Cleo

Cleo, my beloved, I must confess
But I was under a lot of stress
The court case was an utter bust
And now, I’ve crushed your sacred trust

My love for you, it holds no limit
I will admit I am a dimwit
Valentine’s Day is truly ours
Yet, here I spend it behind bars

Being in chokey has taught one thing
If you’ll still have me for your king
My love for you will never end
You will always be my lady friend

Marrying you is what I long for
Your compassionate nature I do adore
Yet you are right to be enraged
Please, say that we are still engaged?

Beauty and grace, you are so glamorous
Breathless and swooning, you leave me amorous
I know my actions can be garish
But you are the one I forever cherish

Mr. Tibbs