Hi Uncle Squirt

I thought you would like a little update on my situation.

Well, the Lampshade is now off! Nearly 3 weeks looking like Queen Elizabeth 1 doesn't do any good for a cats' street cred.

The first thing I did was go straight through the cat flap - haven't lost my "magic" touch there (Mum put a special cat flap in that scans my neck for my microchip - she is now a big fan of them!). The Lampshade was too wide to let me use it, so I have been under "house arrest" all this time - not good. It was also hard to reach the food, but Mum tried out different dishes, lifting them up etc, so it hasn't been too difficult - just very messy with half the food going outside the bowls! 

Perhaps the best thing was being able to have a really, really good wash and scratch! You never know what you have until it’s taken away. Plus it’s much easier to nuzzle Mum now too - she's very keen to keep an eye on the sore area though so I'd better be careful - I think the Lampshade is still around somewhere "just in case".

I know it’s necessary for us cats to defend ourselves when needed, but please everyone - try not to get into a fight unless you really, really have to - a neck hole is no fun - for you or your Mum/Dad/Slave/Staff (delete as appropriate).

Nuzzles to everyone at the Daily Mews from Denver, Devon


Hi Denver,

First of all I’d like to thank you for your kind comments and support while my mum is missing.  I’m ok as an only cat really, but there are times when I do get very sad and that’s when it’s comforting to know that I have good friends at The Daily Mews.

Anyway, I’m so pleased your experience with the Collar From Hell is over, what a huge relief that must be! And I presume that you no longer need to have pills administered (viciously rammed down your throat) so it’s all good for you!  I can’t imagine how you coped with house arrest, I once had to stay in for two weeks with a leg injury and I almost fell apart at the seams.  We are cats and we need our freedom.

It never dawned on me that you’d find it difficult to pick food up.  Holy crap!  That bully cat really made you suffer in lots of ways.  I have one word for you.


Yes, that’s right, REVENGE.

Okay kid, here’s the deal.  You must, MUST, get your own back on that cat because bullies can’t be allowed to get away with it.  Understand?

Now don’t be scared.  It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to get your own back on him but you can do it and you need to.  So here’s some ideas for you:-

The most obvious option is for you go and pick a fight with him.  If that’s your choice then I suggest you enlist the help of a few pals and stage a group ambush in a dark alley somewhere.  And make sure you have a watertight alibi!  Write yourself an invitation to a ‘nip party on the other side of town and say you were there that night and couldn’t possibly have been in two places at once!  Because let’s face it, as a recent victim, suspicion is bound to fall on you. 

However, sometimes it’s better to be subtle.  Does the bully have a cat flap in his home?  When you know he’s out how about this - eat lots of grass and then sneak into his house and puke up all over the kitchen.  He’d get the blame for that!

My final suggestion is perhaps the best!  Cats are almost as good (or bad?) as people for gossiping so, why don’t you spread some rumours about the bully that will totally and utterly ruin his street cred and hard-cat reputation?  You know the sort of thing - he wears a pink collar in the privacy of his own home, he secretly befriends mice, that sort of thing.  Before long the rumours will be flying and he’ll find it very hard to hold his head up in public with all the local cats giggling behind their paws at him.

So, Denver, I hope I’ve been of some help to you and please let me know what you decide to do.  I can’t wait to hear all about it!

Your pal,


P.S. Do you like my picture?? I'm a member of the WLF (Whiskers Liberation Front)

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