Oh, what did I do to deserve this???  I thought Cathy and Will loved me but then they bring home this little rat thing calling it all sorts of cute names and petting it. 

I used to catch squirrels and chipmunks bigger than this thing.  Hey, maybe it’s a treat for me to eat?  No, now they’ve asked me to raise it and train it and discipline it.  NO WAY!  I don’t want anything to do with IT.

First night it was here, it got to sleep inside!  I’ve never been allowed that!  And it whined and cried all night.  Nobody got any sleep.  The next morning, Will figured it would be better if it shared the workshop with me, so it wouldn’t be lonely.  Sheesh!  Now I don’t have a moment’s peace!  He’s always at me … biting, jumping, licking.  But, then, at night, he curled up beside me.  Hmmm, this is kinda nice -having a wee warm body beside mine.  I frequently have urges to have puppies but Cathy says I can’t.  Don’t know why but I accept whatever she says.  

I swear he is part piranha the way he eats and lunges after food.  Will quickly learned not to give him biscuits by hand but to put them on the floor.  And he would wolf both of his down then race over to steal my second one.  You all know that I am a slow eater.  Cathy and Will quickly learned to separate us when it is feeding frenzy time.  Hmm, the little dickens reminds me of Toby in that aspect.

One day, Cathy screeched something about Jack’s ears.  Yeah, his right ear is sticking straight up now but the left one is flopped down as usual.  When he got running fast, they acted like wing flaps and he’d run in circles to the right.  Well, that went on for a week, and then his left ear popped up.  Cathy was apoplectic as she thought it looked stupid.  Will thought it made him look smarter and that he needed all the help he could get in that department.  I kind of took offence to his comment as I’m rather taking a shine to the little monster.  Well, now, his ears change every day, much to the consternation of Cathy and constant merriment of Will.  I just think he’s cute.

When he isn’t a jack-in-the-box, bouncing around on his hind legs like an organ grinder’s monkey, or running like Speedy Gonzalez, he’s an anteater. Constantly nose to the floor in checking for dropped food of mine or outside for anything.  Hence, one of his many (and it’s a growing list) nicknames is Hoover.

Jack quickly adapted to snow, even when it got as deep as he is tall.  He hops like a bunny.  All four legs at once spring up and down as he bounces through it.  The first time I saw this I just howled.

For weeks, he would jump up and bite my jowls.  Lately, he has taken to grabbing onto my rear leg and doing this strange movement with his little ass.  Cathy and Will laugh at his performance.  Will said, “Jack, you’ll have to take more steroids than Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds and Ben Johnson to get one heck of a growth spurt to meet the minimum height requirement of what your little hormones are telling you to do!”  Cathy countered with, “Yeah, well, he’s gonna get snipped in a couple of weeks!”  Will said, “If the vet can even find Jack’s wee little cojones.”

Yes, like Will, Jack has grown onto me and I enjoy showing him how to track, playing and sleeping with him.  I just have to teach him how to sing harmony with me.

Jack's Diary:

Cathy put a red noose around my neck.  I don’t know why she and Will feel this need to put nooses around my neck. 

Are they control freaks?  It had a small bell on it.  I didn’t like it and tried desperately to get it off of me.  Cathy kept telling me how good it looked on me.  Really?  Hey, Holly has a noose but hers is a faded red.  And she has two pieces of metal that jingle together when she walks.  But I have a bell.  I paraded around with it with pride for the rest of the day.  Until Will came home, laughed at me and called me “Tinkerbell”.  Oh, the humiliation.

Holly likes me to jump up and pretend to bite her.  Until one day she swatted me.  I landed on my back and she put her foot on top of me, growling loudly.  Boy, do I ever respect her now.  She is one tough bitch.  An hour later I was back at bugging her.  And she luvs it!  I just know she does.

Will introduced me to some white stuff.  He assured me it wasn’t bird poop.  I, of course, licked it.  Whoa!  It was cold!.  Kinda tasted good.  Will told me that eating it will make me thirstier and he looks like he knows what he’s talking about.  Sometimes.  But, it’s everywhere on the trees and not on the forest floor.  What’s with that?

Cathy took me to a new place of horrors.  Some guy stuck a needle into my bum that hurt like heck.  I felt horrible for a day.  But the sadist did give me a present…a lovely multi-purpose carry bag that will hold all my valuables.  Such as my toothbrush, hairbrush, and 27 various booklets to inform Cathy and Will how to properly look after me.  Hey, have you two read them?  It also has a plethora of pockets, zippers and doodads and all folds up to a handy little suitcase for when I travel.  Or I can hang it up in my little apartment.

Will came home to tell Cathy about seeing one of my kin in his travels that day and he was called Jerk Russell.  They both looked at me and laughed.  What???

When I grew out of my super hero outfit (I’ve had a growth spurt from 4 pounds to now 6), Cathy continued to add to my wardrobe.  Next was a pseudo-coat.  A real coat would’ve covered my rear legs and head.  This felt warm but just on my back and front legs.  But it has a cool little furry thing at the front that I guess is to add some sense of fashion.  Not big enough to flip up and cover my noggin.  Maybe with her next pay cheque she can afford to get the rest of my coat.  And, how about some winter boots?  Sorels, if she can fit that in her budget?  Size XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXS, please.

I was out for our walk with Will, when he came home from work, and I just got going so fast down the hill that I looked over to my right and my hind legs were starting to catch up to my front ones and I thought, “Huh?  Is that part of me?”  So, I stopped and ended up spinning around.  When I finally stopped, both Will and Holly were rolling on the ground laughing.  (Will – it was just like a cartoon but in real life!  Anatomically, his rear end is Jack Russell and his front is poodle, so these things will happen.)

Holly and I were having a great time.  I’m nipping her and she runs away and I catch her and nip her and she runs away and, hey, that’s a cool stick, whoa where’s Holly?  Where’s Holly?  Why is she way up there on the balcony?  She knows I can’t get up those stairs.  Why is she making strange noises?  (Will – Holly was out of breath and needed a break from the energizer bunny)




A Cats Prayer

Lead me down all the right paths,
Keep me from fleas, bees, and baths.
Let me in should it storm,
Keep me safe, fed, and warm.


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