Reggie and some toysHaving settled in at Tom Cat Towers, my house-mate, Gabion, has quite oddly taken to sitting on the marble hearth, looking very intently up the chimney. Apparently, ‘Christmas’ is on the way. I have never heard of Christmas, let alone had a Christmas in all my five years as a stud cat, so am quite fascinated, as Gabes seems rather keen!  

According to Gabes, Santa Paws comes down the chimbly with pressies. But, it’s only on one night of the year. Just one. And Gabion isn’t too sure which one it is as he's a bit of an air head. So he is hedging his bets and sitting there every night in the hope of catching a glimpse of Santa Paws … until he nods off.

Gabes is sooo excited. Last year he had his first ever Christmas and he said it was BRILLIANT. Santa Paws bought him sweets, treats and toys and catnip playthings and EVERYTHING. His eyes gleamed as he told me.

Gabion has stated, very knowledgeably, that Christmas is all about presents. That's it. Just presents. Santa Paws just showers cats with pressies, lots of them, and treats and toys and EVERYTHING.  Gabes can be a bit flaky ... and very greedy.

When I was parachuted into Tom Cat Towers in April, it was rather like an arranged marriage. The human and I didn’t know each other, and she had just lost her beloved Himmie, Dumpty, after 10 years together and was heartbroken. Clearly, I had no idea of the routine which Maid, the human, and Dumpty, her very demanding Himmie had got in place. I was an ex-stud cat and show stopper about to retire from public life. So, we needed time to get used to each other and work out what we needed to make this new relationship work. It was a bit of a gamble!

However, all in all, we are rumbling along nicely and have our own routine. I have trained her on grooming. Previous cat loved it. I’m hit and miss. If I’m not in the mood, I’ll clamp my teeth onto her arm, not nastily, but just to let her know who has the upper paw. But mainly I blackmail her to give me copious amounts of ‘Dreamies’ in return for a good scruff round with the comb. I am on a mission to rid the world of ‘Dreamies’, by eating every single one ….  myself!!

I love it here, and have changed Maid’s role to Exec P.A. as that seemed more apt. I don’t require 24/7 attention, but do need my social diary organising. So, we are happy with each other. In fact, we are so well suited, we are totally in love with each other.

So, this Christmas thing which Gabion is just obsessing about has set me thinking. I have it all now. I came to Tom Cat Towers with nothing but a huge heart full of love, not knowing what to expect in my new home, not knowing how much I would be loved and adored. Turns out that I have the best home ever, and found someone to love. Why should it just be Gabion and I that receive pressies from this Santa Paws character who Gabion is going mad about? Wouldn’t it be nice if our human had pressies too from Santa Paws too?

And then it hit me….

Maybe I should be Santa Paws and get my human a present for Christmas for giving me a home, feeding me, keeping me safe, fed and very, very loved.

When I told Gabion, he looked at me completely stunned, as if I’d lost all my whiskers. Only cats get pressies at Christmas he informed me rather grandly. Not humans.

But I think I now know what my first Christmas will mean to me. I will be very loved. I will be fed, (turkey apparently, according to Gabes who knows everything about Christmas) and my tummy will expand enormously. My human will be home all day, slobbed out in front of the TV so I can stretch out on her as we watch ‘rubbish’ on it and I’ll be stroked and cuddled and loved as she treats herself to a bottle of cheap champers!

So, my mind is set up. My human will have a present, and if Santa Paws doesn’t give presents to humans, then I will be her Santa Paws!

I have been on a mission, to find the purrfect present for Christmas for my human Exec P.A. But what can I get her? I can’t buy human catnip, red wine as I am under 18 years old. She doesn’t do chocolate, but does do pork scratchings. They are too unhealthy to consider. So, what could I give her?

She doesn’t wear collars, with bells or glitter … hang on. Not a collar, but a ring. She hasn’t got a ring. That’s it. I will get her a ring to wear all the time to remind her of me. Each time she looks at it when we are apart, she will think of me. That's it!

Reggie's ringI have searched high and low and finally, I have my present. This is it. It’s just exquisite!  It has tiny blue pawprints, to remind her of her favourite boy …. Me! Crystals are set around the whole ring and inside it is inscribed: -  

‘When I’m with my pet I am complete.’

It was a one-off, there are no more, so it is totally unique ... and classy. It's perfect!

Gabion and the Christmas treeI am in the process of hiding it for when Gabion makes his grand announcement that Christmas has arrived. We will know it's approaching when a plastic tree gets put on the table and twinkly lights are turned on.  Trouble is, how will I get it under the tree as if Santa Paws himself has left it. I can’t get down the chimbly as I’m too porky after all the good food here at Tom Cat Towers. I need to sneak my present under this little Christmas tree for my human to find. She won’t know it’s from me, she’ll think Santa Paws left it there amongst the presents he’s left for Gabion and me.

What I will do? When the night arrives, Gabion will be soooo excited looking up the chimney, but he will nod off as he always does. Then I have my chance to just swiftly knock the present under the tree. Then if I nod off too and Santa comes whilst we are both snoozing, my present will already be there for Santa’s to be added to!

What do you think? Do you think she’ll like it? Please let me know what you think of my Christmas idea.

Lord Reginald Desmond Vagabond of Tom Cat Towers.

Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)