Bowler hat and bow tie - something special is happening today

Last April I retired from my very public and incredibly hectic life as a Stud and Grand Champion Show Cat and I settled into life here, at Tom Cat Towers, with my new human to enjoy a more sedentary way of life. I quickly learnt that any excuse for a celebration is the motto here with my human, who I call my Exec P.A.

Fancy food, and something quite lethal for Exec P.A., human catnip – champagne - is hunter-gathered and brought back to store in a giant freezer for a party each time an ‘event’ or ‘do’ comes along! I try to keep Exec P.A. away from human catnip as it makes her terribly silly. She kisses me and tries to dance with me, giggles, hiccups, falls over, then falls asleep and snores! The next day several cups of coffee, strong enough for three mice to sit on, are needed to rev her up again and back to life.

I am quite getting into party life.  Birthdays: mine, Exec P.A.’s, friends - both feline and human; Gotcha Days (mine: I have two - both an official and unofficial Gotchas); Christmas, Easter, Bank Holidays, Fireworks, Halloween … the list is endless. What I find quite astounding is that there is specific food and drink which is created for each ‘do’.

The Royal Wedding on May 19th was no exception.

Apparently, someone called Prince Hairy was marrying Moggy Markle. So, cheers and knees up all round. A good splash of human catnip for Exec P.A. and plates of goodies all day because, according to my human, celebratory party nosh, like birthday cake, has NO calories. So, she can dive in without guilt! Plus, I get to try a small titbit of two.

Most days, I wake Exec P.A. at 6.00am when I lob myself on the bed, then sit on her chest with a rumbly purr as we discuss the forthcoming day’s itinerary. I am fed kibbles, my pre-brekkers snack, as we cuddle before starting the day.

On the morning of the wedding, though, I stretched out on her chest, my purr in overdrive. My dickie bow was gently put round my neck then my bowler hat was plonked on my head. That alerted me to the fact that this was going to be a royal event. My excitement knew no bounds!

Moggy Markle marries Prince HairyI then took my place by the television to watch as the events unfolded. Sooo much was going on. Crowds, horses, bands, marvellous dresses of vivid colours and a lady in a white dress who seemed to look down at me from the TV screen. Small humans looking cute, lots of music and flowers. All this activity soon made me become quite peckish.

To celebrate the wedding, Exec P.A. had surpassed herself and arranged an afternoon tea picnic for me.

I yawned, jumped off my chair then trotted across the lawn to where a flower-decked table awaited. With humans, you really have to humour them and show that you are entering into the spirit of things, otherwise they get disappointed.

Picnic on the lawnI looked over the cutlery, napkin and blue table cloth. I had a chicken goujon. Normally I don’t indulge in human food, my moggy-nosh is usually just sloshed into an old QE2 bowl and put on the kitchen floor. But today was special so I tucked in.

The day’s piece de resistance was then served. A fabulous elderflower and lemon wedding cake. This had been based on the cake which Prince Hairy and Moggy Markle were having at about the same time. My Exec P.A. had heard about it and made sure that we had one for our special wedding afternoon tea. The real cake cost £150,000, ours cost £8. We like a bargain here at Tom Cat Towers. Exec P.A. was chuffed that a picture which she took of me by the cake was ‘tweeted’ by Iceland (the frozen food company – not the country!) to 144,000 people!

I closed my eyes and let my nose glide just above the little plate. The aroma was delicate and tempting and a ripple of excitement fluttered through my whiskers. If there is one thing I cannot resist, it is buttercream. However, I must be so careful to maintain my waistline, which, I have to admit, has expanded since my retirement from stud duties plus the fact that I have discovered and become addicted, nay obsessed with Dreamies and Catisfactions.

CakeThe sensual fragrance of the buttercream was temptation beyond endurance! I got stuck in and licked the plate clean! Loved it! Got it all over my whiskers and moustache.

Back in the lounge, as The Queen was in attendance, I changed my dickie for my special crown collar then I took up my position on my chair and resumed watching the spectacle. Exec P.A. had more than one slice of cake, clearly, she loves wedding cake!!

The Queen was in attendance so I wore my special collar with the crownAfter all the ceremony and parades were over, the horses and bands had gone, out came the human catnip: champers. We sat under an umbrella in the garden as the afternoon cooled down. I sat on Exec P.A.’s knee and I had a good tummy tickle. We went over the highlights of the day - mine was the buttercream, her the champers!

So that was the royal wedding done and dusted. I’m not sure what is circled next on the calendar, but rest assured that Exec P.A. will plan the catering and service to the same high level which I have come to expect from her.


Lord Reginald Desmond Vagabond of Tom Cat Towers


Dogs Come when Called

"Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you."

"Of course, every cat is really the most beautiful woman in the room."

Edward Verrall Luca (essayist)