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A Cat’s (Brief) Journal

TDM is turning 20! Wow! What a milestone! I started writing for the Mews eight years ago, when I was little more than a kitten, and looking back I’m amazed at all the things that have happened to me during that time – and all recorded, black on white: my difficult relationship with the disapproving Tammy; my heartbreak affair with the pretty tortoiseshell Elsie from down the road; my abduction in a stranger’s car; my knee operations and subsequent captivity. Good job I wrote it all down; I might have forgotten otherwise.

Which makes me think: shouldn’t every cat keep a diary? What fascinating reads they’d be! I’m going to give it a try this week:

Monday:

7:30 sharp: rose from guest room double bed (preferred sleeping spot since Easter); went for short walk outside to do my business and check things out. All quiet. Sunny day, slight breeze. Promising.

8:00 ish: returned home. Cat flap locked; apparently because I bring in mice. What else do they want me to bring? Hamsters? Had to knock and shout to be let in. Good job Canine has good ears and alerted the Humans. He has his uses. Humans not apologetic. Disgusted, but took a little breakfast anyway.

8:15: back upstairs to rest.

15:30: rose, had quick snack, went out for my afternoon walk, but found children screaming in my field next door. What is the world coming to? Walked around the garden with Canine. The pigeon was around, so I gave him another stalking lesson. He’s coming along nicely, though still too impatient and rushing the final pounce.

17:00 sharp: presented myself in the kitchen and reminded Mum that it was dinner time. If it wasn’t for me, we’d never get fed. Canine does not keep precise hours.

17:05: went for my evening walk. Canine doing zoomies around the garden, completely pointless. No idea what gets into him sometimes. Watched for a bit, then walked over to my field. Children gone, coast clear, all very peaceful but sadly no rabbits and not even a mouse. Sat in the grass and enjoyed the lovely evening.

18:30: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Canine asleep on the sofa, mouth wide open. Honestly! Quick snack in the kitchen, then back outside. Still no rodents to catch. Stalked butterflies.

19:15: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Dog still asleep. Another quick snack in the kitchen, then back outside. Caught a tiny mouse, too small to show the humans but nice to crunch.

20:00: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Dog STILL asleep. Quick snack in the kitchen, then back outside. No more luck with hunting.

20:45: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Dog asleep. Quick snack in the kitchen, then back outside. Nothing. Rien. Nada. Disappointing day.

21:30: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Dog … well, asleep, what else? Another snack, this time with my three Dreamies – the dreaded sign that I’m locked in for the night. Threw a tantrum, but no response. Ran up and down the stairs a few times instead, for exercise, then to my bed.

Tuesday:

7:30 sharp: rose from my bed; went for short walk to do my business and check things out. All quiet. Another fine day.

8:00 ish: returned home. Cat flap still locked, but someone on hand to let me in today. Had my breakfast. Canine sniffed my tail while I ate. Rude!

8:15: went back upstairs to rest.

14:00: rose, had brief snack, went out for my afternoon walk. No children today and several rabbits and mice to chase. Caught one small bunny and took it home, only to find myself in front of a locked cat door. Had to kill and eat my prey in the garden. Spent the afternoon under the bramble jungle in the corner of my field, sleeping off the bunny.

17:00 sharp: presented myself in the kitchen to remind Mum that it was dinner time. Fish again, for goodness’ sake! Managed to steal some of the Canine’s dinner while he wasn’t looking. Sucks to him!

17:05: went for my evening walk. Rabbits happily hopping around the field. Chased a few to pass the time. Back in the garden, Mum was training the Canine. Joined them for a couple of sausage bits, then back to work in the field.

18:30: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Dog asleep on the sofa. Brief snack in the kitchen, then back outside. Chased more rodents, lots of fun.

19:45: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Quick snack, then back outside. Exhausted from chasing, so sat on the shed roof to watch the neighbours water their garden and listen to the birds.

20:30: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Snack, then back outside. No more luck with hunting.

21: 00: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Watched a bit of TV on Dad’s knees, then back outside. Sat on the shed roof and watched bats swooping around me. Only ever killed one, they’re too quick, but still fun to try.

21:45: presented myself at the living room window to be let in. Another snack and my three Dreamies. Too early again! Threw a tantrum and stormed up to my bed.

Wednesday:

7:30: woke up and decided writing diaries is really hard work. The big events in life are more spaced out than I realised, and I just don’t have time to record every moment. Sorry. But it was worth a try, and maybe I’ve inspired someone?

Best meows,

Bilbo

Ed's note: Bilbo, bless him, and his human, Susanne Haywood, kindly wrote this piece for what was supposed to be the website's 20th anniversary in May, 2022. Better late than never.