Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is using the computer.

Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.

Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.

Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are not transparent. 

Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.

Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.

Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 am.

Thou shalt never forget that thou art not human. Thou art a feline.

That is special enough.

Thou shalt not forget that humans lack thine especial olfactory talents and so have no appreciation for the ineffable fragrance of thy butt.

Thou shalt not jump onto thy human's lap, plant thy paws beside her neck, cosily rub her nose with thine and then yawn fully in her face immediately after consuming a can of Friskies Chicken, Tuna and Cheese dinner.

Thou shalt not blorp all over the rug and then commence merrily to scarf up thine owner's chicken fresh out of the oven.

Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.

Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.

Fast as thou art, thou cannot run through closed doors. 

Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's lap.

Thou shalt not climb on garbage cans with hinged lids, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself. 

Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.

Thou shalt not jump onto a seat just as thy human is sitting down.

Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity. 

Thou shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.

Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.

Thou shalt remember that thou art a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.

Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded. 

Thou shalt not break thine owner's heart by dying.  Ever.  Under any circumstances whatsoever.

Submitted by Laura Dumm

In the Middle of a World...

"In the middle of a world that has always been a bit mad, the cat walks with confidence."

Roseanne Anderson

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