Bilbo's Christmas Buzz: How I narrowly avoided being abducted!

You may think 2020 has been a boring and uneventful year. Not in my house it hasn’t, because I was very nearly abducted!

You know I’m into cars, right? Well, one day in summer Mum invited friends for afternoon tea in the garden. They came in four cars – a rarity this year! – all parked on our driveway. I checked the first three, which seemed fine, but underneath the fourth car I detected a peculiar smell. I looked up and saw a cat-sized opening in the car floor through which, by standing on my hindlegs, I was able to take a good look inside. I saw a small space there and I realised the smell came from the warm engine nearby. This definitely warranted closer inspection, so I climbed up into the warm, dark space and made myself comfortable. The cavity was exactly my size, snug and warm, and the smell of the engine turned out to be quite pleasant close up. I decided to stay for a while to make sure it really was okay and must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I was startled awake by a throbbing sensation, then a growl from the engine by my head, and before I could even think of climbing back down to solid ground, the car began to move!

Peering down through the hole, I saw our driveway slipping away beneath me. I saw the kerb at the bottom of our driveway, after which the engine began to roar alarmingly, the car gave a heave and the road began to whizz by faster and faster. That’s when it struck me that I was being abducted, taken far from my home: my bowl of food, my water fountain, my favourite climbing tree, my bed; my Mum and Dad ... Can you imagine the terror?

‘Help! Help!’ I screamed. ‘Meeeow! Meeeow!’ Mum says I have a strong voice, and believe me, I projected it as well as I could. On and on we hurtled, and on and on I screamed, until the car slowed down a little and the roar of the engine changed to a purr. I took the opportunity to scream some more, and now the car finally came to a halt. The bonnet opened to bright sunlight, and two of Mum’s friends stared down at me with really big eyes. I stared back. They didn’t look like kidnappers – or catnappers for that matter, which was reassuring. We stared at each other for a little while, then one of the humans prized me out of my hidey-hole and lifted me into her arms. They gave me a good talking to before transferring me to the inside of the car and driving back up the road towards home. I didn’t talk to them at all. I was far too cross with them for taking me away from home.

I confess I went a little weak at the knees when I saw our house, but it looked quite unchanged, oblivious of the fact that it had nearly lost me. The humans knocked on our door, and both Mum and Dad answered. I really wish I could have taken a photo of their faces when they saw me! Mum’s friends explained what had happened, transferred me to Mum’s arms and left a second time.

Back in the house, Mum and Dad gave me another good talking to. I really couldn’t be bothered to argue with them. I was absolutely starving after my ordeal, as they might have realised, and rushed into the kitchen for my lunch. Then I curled up on the sofa for a well-deserved snooze (I’ve begun to dislike the word ‘nap’; too close to ‘catnap’). I won’t tell you what I dreamed about, only that it involved black holes with large warning signs flashing before them.

That’s the happy ending to my tale of adventure, and I hope you’re all glad I didn’t get abducted. I’m looking forward to celebrating Christmas with my family – the tree’s already up and looking climbable – and I wish you all the same!

With purrs from Bilbo xxx

Ed's Note: This is a cautionary tale from Bilbo - drivers, check your cars before setting off on your journeys!

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