Mum’s just had a birthday and the front room is swamped with cards on every shelf and surface. Humans take birthdays very seriously (well, some of them do!) and to begin her day properly the bathroom scales were brought out from under the sink and placed in the middle of the kitchen floor. So that you know where we are geographically: our kitchen and bathroom are next to each other.
Anyway, first one foot, then the other and then finally, she looked down to see what the numbers said.
‘Holy Moly,’ she said.
I don’t know who Moly is and why he, she or it might be Holy, but I could tell from the tone of her voice that the birthday wasn’t starting out well, despite the deluge of cards everywhere.
Later on ‘Dad’ came over and whisked Mum off somewhere and the next day another person came and took her out. On Thursday mornings she goes to something called ‘Slimming World’ and she told me that she was ‘dreading’ the weigh-in after two big meals out and one a few days earlier to celebrate a friend’s birthday.
When she arrived home, she was actually smiling. I can usually tell how the ‘weigh-in’ goes by her facial expressions. If the numbers are going in the right direction she is smiling; if not, she’s a bit tense and all her slimming books and magazines are spread all over the table and poured over at great length, as if looking through them will bring her the magic she needs to make the numbers go the right way.
‘So, how did it go?’ I asked her, tentatively.
‘Casey, Mum managed to lose a whole pound!’ She almost exploded with the joy of such an achievement.
‘Gosh, a whole pound?’
‘Yes, aren’t I the clever one?’ and she did a little jig around the front room.
I jumped off the sofa to retrieve my red fish blob that she’d made me ages ago. I didn’t want it to be squashed under one of those feet as they waltzed around the room.
Not only do humans put great stock in birthdays but even greater consideration goes on whether the numbers are going in the right direction. It’s easy really. Take a leaf out of our books:
Get plenty of sleep; take naps when you need to; stretch and exercise daily; drink water throughout the day and eat in moderation a little bit of what you fancy.
You humans don’t need to spend money going to slimming groups; just join our Feline Classes and we’ll have you sleek and sinuous before you know it!
In the Middle of a World...
"In the middle of a world that has always been a bit mad, the cat walks with confidence."
Roseanne Anderson