The big revealToday, I came back from a consultation at my vet’s after my final check-up following my transformation into a Moggess-Goddess!!!  The object of my heart’s desire, Reggie, the ex-stud cat who I adore and was the reason for my kick-start to a new me, and our bruv, Gabion Tzchugge were waiting to see me. I was in my cat carrier and they were eagerly awaiting the ‘Big Reveal’.

Me, Chav Cat! I had been transformed. I cannot believe the change!! But it was a long and difficult road …. but it has been worth it.

First, my weight. I really was a porki-torti, and I knew it. My saggy tummy slopped from side to side and my saddles wobbled when I walked down the garden. I needed to up my exercise routine. So, whenever Kippy, the soppy neighbourhood cat stepped into the garden, I was off in a flash – well, more of an out of breath hobble at first - but I built up my speed and muscles, and eventually caught him!! I was shocked how fit and lithe I had become.

Chav Cat on the wheelie binDiet: the hardest bit. Kibbles which were on offer 24/7 were taken out of my sight and I now have planned meals. Titbits were out. At first, I felt like I would die of starvation as I flopped around, weak from hunger. But as the weight dropped off I firmed up. I felt good about myself and soon it became easy to control my excessive nibbling. I was weighed by Nick at my surgery and my weight loss monitored as we discussed my fitness regime. I can now do something I could only dream of when I was a chubbalini chav cat; jump onto the wheelie bin to survey my garden. I am well proud of myself!

I caught myself in the mirror; I didn’t walk in a very ladylike manner. I was clumpy and clumsy as my paws thumped across the carpet. Time to call in the deportment expert – LuLu, who lives over the road, the epitome of elegance and style. She walks with such poise and beauty. I had to eat humble pie as previously I spat and hissed at her through the gate as she tip-clawed past, totally ignoring me. (I was probably jealous of her sexy allure). She kindly agreed to call round one morning and taught me how to walk elegantly and behave Gabes inspects my tummylike a lady with full-on sex appeal.

I had spa treatments; my paws were cleaned, my claws clipped, ears cleaned of years of build-up of wax and then I was groomed and brushed till my pelt shone. Miraculously, I can now hear better. All slugs and bits of twigs which I gathered in my fur, now history.

Finally, after all this hard work and determination I had a big discussion with Gabion Tzchugge. I showed him my new polished fangs and tried out my new fresh breath on him. Then I rolled over and showed him my tummy, or lack of it as it is slowly receding and asked him his opinion. Did he think Reggie would find me attractive?

Gabes, took a sharp breath, then thought about it. Finally, he said yes. He told me that Reggie was reclining on a pillow on the bed with a red rose, if I cared to go and see him.

Reggie and RoseSo, I’m off to make friends with Reggie, see if I can cuddle up to him now I know that I haven’t got bad breath which will knock him over, or a great bulk of wobbliness which may crush him … wish me luck!!

 

 

In the Middle of a World...

"In the middle of a world that has always been a bit mad, the cat walks with confidence."

Roseanne Anderson