Hi

Gibbs here.

Let me ask you a question.  Have any of you been hypnotised before? No? Well, have I got something to share with you guys.  Are you ready for the ride of your lives?

In our garden, we have lots of birds and there have been a lot of magpies this year.  I was sprawled on the club house roof recently, (that Dad made for us last year out of leftover decking), just watching the world go by when a magpie came and said hello to me.  At least, I think that’s what he said, because I haven’t learnt to speak Magpie yet.

Anyway, every time I went out into the garden, this magpie came to talk to me.  He even followed me along the fence when I ran from next door’s garden when Mum called me in for dinner.  Sometimes his Mum and Dad were with him and they’d tell him to be careful because I am a cat and not to be trusted.  I was very hurt by this comment and told them, in no uncertain terms, that I felt deeply aggrieved by their remarks.

Then Casey came out and sat next to me and the magpie talked to both of us.  It got so that whenever we heard the magpie squawking, (even if we were fast asleep in a sun puddle on the dining room floor) we’d both rush out of the catflap at a rate of knots and leap onto the clubhouse roof. The magpie would sit on the fence or even the decking near us.  Mum said she’d never seen Casey run so fast.  He even walks slowly – and eats slowly - so to see him hurl himself through the catflap was something of a wonder, she said.

The magpie held us enthralled as he told us a story that had been passed down through the generations, that his parents told him, and that his grandparents told his parents – you get the picture.  Apparently, one day, Ollie was on the garden wall and a magpie was sitting on the gate post.  Well, Ollie quite naturally was indignant that a magpie should be sitting on HIS wall and told the magpie to leave at once.   Well, the magpie was having none of it and he squawked his head off at Ollie, but Ollie sat firm. 

Then another magpie came along.  Mrs Magpie joined her husband in yelling at Ollie telling him that this was THEIR wall and he could jolly well sling his hook because they weren’t leaving.  Still Ollie sat firm.  Eventually, Mr and Mrs Magpie got bored and they both flew off, but before leaving, they squawked a beak-full of obscenities (in Magpie language) at Ollie.  Mum came out at that point with her camera to take a picture but of course, she was just a few seconds too late.  Ollie was very relieved to see her and he cuddled up to her, because despite his show of bravery, he was actually in fear of his life.  Those magpies were quite a lot bigger than he was, and he was, in effect, being bullied by them.

Mr and Mrs Magpie, despite their protestations to the contrary, were in awe of Ollie standing firm in his resolute belief and they told all their friends about the little ginger cat that they’d met who was as brave as a lion.  They told all their subsequent baby magpies and the legend of Ollie’s bravery and tenacity grew and grew.  The magpie that came and talked to Casey and I told us that forever more they would respect all the felines that lived at the Lazypaws Guest House for Discerning Felines (where the offices of the Daily Mews website is) and they would never, ever, squawk down to us or belittle us in anyway, because Ollie’s bravery lives on, even though he died four years ago. They even told us that they’d held a memorial service when they found out that Ollie had died and all the magpies in the area lined up along the wall as a mark of solidarity in their respect for him.

Casey knew Ollie for a little while because it was Ollie that told Mum Casey was on the decking during the winter months, in all the snow.  Mum, being Mum, put bowls of cat food out for Casey and he’s never forgotten Ollie’s kindness to him.

Every time Casey and I hear that magpie squawking, we rush out in the garden and watch as he struts his stuff up and down the trellis where the clematis grow, or on the neighbour’s fence, always reliving the legend of Ollie. Sometimes his Mum and Dad come and sit on the fence or the trellis and talk to us.  Who says you can’t have friendships between other animals.  If only people could learn to accept each other’s differences, the world would be a happier place to live.

Needless to say, Mum was always ‘just too late’ to be able to take photos of these momentous occasions, but perhaps that’s the way the magpies wanted it.

Hmm, I wonder what a magpie sandwich would taste like …..

If you want to read Ollie’s account, you’ll have to click on this link.     

Casey and I have spent the past few days on a wild goose chase.  Before you report us to any wild life animal organisations, I don’t mean REAL gooses. Casey and I wouldn’t know what a real goose looked like if it jumped up and bit us in the bum bits.  Don’t you humans call something that is futile and a waste of time a ‘wild goose chase’?

Let me splain:

The other night, Wednesday, to be precise, Mum went with Dad to the pub quiz up the road.  When she came back her voice had gone.  She didn’t know where she’d left it, so Casey and I thought we’d look for it as a surprise for her.  A late birthday present if you like, or an early Christmas gift.

Mum spends a lot of time upstairs in her office, so I told Casey that I would look upstairs to see if I could find it.  I would meow three times – that would be our secret code – if I found it.  She also spends some time downstairs on the sofa watching television, so Casey said he would look everywhere downstairs and he would meow three times if he found it.

We both searched high and low and neither of us meowed – which meant, neither of us had found it.  Hence the wild goose chase!

Casey had an idea.  She had gone to the pub.  Supposing she left it in the toilet there?  Should we walk up the road and find out? We must own up and say that as we’re not allowed out the front of the house (because the road has lots of fast moving cars and lorries all day long) that we actually chickened out of doing that.  We were worried that people might think we were going to the pub to drink that giggly water; you know the stuff that you humans drink that make you go all giggly and you do silly things.  And then there is the stuff that makes you walk weirdly, where you stagger from side to side on the pavement (sidewalk).  Mum and Dad don’t do either of those things, by the way. 

The strange thing was that although Mum made absolutely no sounds with her mouth, so Dad couldn’t hear her, Casey and I could.  We were out in the garden, watching our birdie friends enjoying the fat balls from the feeders – and did you know – we have a squirrel now that eats from them as well – and she called us in for dinner.  What we heard was ‘-ibbs? -asey? -inner.’  We hurriedly said our goodbyes to our birdie chums and raced up to the decking to where Mum was waiting at the back door.

It’s been a few days now and the quietness in the house is deafening.  Not that Mum is noisy, you understand.  Far from it.  She’s so quiet that the neighbours think she’s always away on holiday!  But we miss hearing her voice.  So, if anyone out there finds it, can you post it back to us? Thank you.

Till the next time

Love Gibbs xxxx       

(Don't you love the picture of Casey and Gibbs on a wild goose chase drawn by the very talented Aoife McCann?)  For more of Aoife's wonderful artwork, head over to her Etsy page:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/PookiePics?ele=shop_open

You can send tweets to Aoife:  https://twitter.com/evamacalpi

She has a very funny blog: https://evamacalpi.wordpress.com/

Gibbs:    ‘Hey, Casey, you sure it’s ok to be on Mum’s bed, like this?’

Casey:   ‘Yea, of course, it’s ok.  It’s our bed.’

Gibbs:    ‘But what if she wants to sleep on it?’

Casey:   ‘She can go sleep on the sofa.  It’s no big deal.’

Gibbs:    ‘What if we’re on the sofa, what then?’

Casey:   ‘It’s our sofa.  We can go where we want to.’

Gibbs:    ‘But where will Mum go?’

Casey:   ‘Anywhere she likes.  Not our problem.’

Gibbs:    ‘What about the dining chairs? What if we’re sleeping on them?’

Casey:   ‘Not a problem, Gibbs.  They’re our chairs.  We sleep where we want.’

Gibbs:    ‘But what if she’s got ‘people’ over for dinner and we’re on the chairs?’

Casey:   ‘Like I said, Gibbs, not our problem.  Let them eat cake.’

Gibbs:    ‘Are you asleep, Casey?’

Casey:   ‘Not any more.’

Last time, Casey told you that we were going on holiday.  It was something we had discussed and thought, as Mum was having work done to the bathroom and there would be a lot of noise and disruption, that it would be a good idea if we went on holiday and left Mum to it.  We would come back when the bathroom was finished, and the noise and disruption would be over.

When it came to it, however, I chickened out.  I saw it as an ideal way to have Mum to myself for a while, so I ran upstairs and hid.  Casey went to the hotel resort by himself with Mum and Dad telling him that I would join him the following day.  It didn’t work out like that because I stayed under the sofa bed for ages until Mum gave up trying to bribe me.

In a way, I wish I had gone with Casey.  Every day there were men in our house and garden doing ‘stuff’.  You know my feelings about men – apart from Dad, that is – but Mum stayed with me in this office and because I could hear her tapping away on her ‘puter thing, I wasn’t frightened.

Mum got her new bathroom and I got a new door, just for me, with a new cat flap in it.  It was the first time I’ve ever had my own door.  I was chuffed and kept going through it just for the hell of it!

Once the men had gone for the day and Mum and I had had our dinner, we hung out on the sofa together, watching the programmes that she likes on the television.  I didn’t feel guilty that Casey was all by himself, because I had Mum all to myself.  That was the bestest thing ever in the whole wide world. We had four weeks of just Mum and me – what more could a cat want. I sat on her lap whenever I wanted to, even though she is still a bit of a wriggler, I could overlook that. It was just Mum and me, me and Mum.   

But then it all went pear-shaped, or Pete Tong, as some people say.  Casey came home.  At least, we think it's Casey.  This Casey kept weaving himself around her legs and crying every time she left the room to use her new bathroom.  He saw the toys in the front room and played with the catnip bag thing.  We have four, but three were on the carpet and he played with one of them for ages.  Then he sniffed all the other toys.  Then he played with the blue ring thing that has a yellowy ball that we have to push round the ring with our paws.  He had a right go at that for a while. Our old Casey rarely played with anything. 

Then this Casey sat – he ACTUALLY sat - on Mum’s lap and kept kissing her. And he stayed on her lap for simply ages.  And, AND – I can’t believe I’m saying this – he let Mum pick him up and cuddle him – FOR AGES!

I think the hotel resort where our old Casey stayed has replaced him with an alien.  Our old Casey would never do any of those things.  He wouldn’t dream of playing with toys, or sitting on laps, let alone being picked up to be CUDDLED.  He was so licky and kissy that quite frankly, I was disgusted with him.  Dogs do that kind of thing.  They have no control over their emotions and their tongues hang out of their mouths in that soppy droopy way, they bound about in bouncy boings and they are an embarrassment to the entire animal kingdom. 

Cats, as you well know, are ALOOF.  (The old Casey loved that word – Aloof).  We don’t ‘do’ soppiness or great displays of unbridled affection.  Everything we do, is on our terms.  Ask for a kiss and you’ll see our bums as we walk away.  If we want to kiss you, that’s another matter.  Then, no matter what activities you might be engaged in, we will move in and give you love like no other loving. 

I had to leave the room after witnessing all this alien kissing stuff from this different Casey.  I stayed under the sofa bed in the office for the rest of the day.  But I missed my lap time with Mum and I know she missed me because she called me a few times.  So, the next day, I decided to swallow my pride.  The new Casey was in his old spot next to Mum’s thighs, so I chanced a leap onto her lap.  It felt good.  Mum made a fuss of me, like she always does, and the new Casey didn’t bat an eyelid.  

Perhaps things will work out with this alien.  I’ll keep you posted.

Till next time

Love Gibbs xxxx