Friday, 24th January 2003
Everyone was nearly having heart attacks today and I was getting the blame for it.
All I was doing was waiting behind the door, or table leg, or somewhere where no one knew where I was or could see me, and then when they walked past I jumped out on them crying: ‘TA DA!!!!!!!!!!!!’
They all jumped out of their skins and had to lie down for the rest of the afternoon to rest because their hearts had nearly stopped with fright. I thought it was funny but Mum told me to be a good boy and showed me the toy box and I had to pick some ‘quiet’ toys out to play with.
Tuesday, 4th February 2003
Timmy told me off today which upset me. He was lying on the table in his donut bed and I wanted a cuddle. I went up to him and started kneading on his belly and he moved his back leg so I went to suckle from him. I remember doing this with my Mum (not the Mum I have now – my first Mum) and it felt nice. But Timmy whacked me with his paw which surprised the pants off me.
Mum picked me up and gave me a big cuddle and I fell asleep in her arms. Even though she was busy doing stuff she let me sleep in her arms for ages. She went to lie down on the sofa in the other room and we both slept. I snuggled up on her chest and I could feel her heartbeat which was nice and comforting to me.
Monday, 10th February 2003
Felt very stressed today. Sam kept chasing me and fighting with me. Even though I tried not to look at him he still kept doing it. Had to roll on the floor showing my belly to get him to stop. I went to sit on my cushion and peed for a very long time – that’s how stressed I was!
While he was sitting quietly grooming himself, his tail was minding its own business doing nothing, so I trod on it. Then ran away. But he knew it was me and chased me again so I had to lie down again to show him my belly to make him stop. Felt stressed again so went to pee on the cushion again.
Saturday, 15th February 2003
Was allowed out in the garden today for the first time officially. I say ‘officially’ because I accidentally went out one night when Mum was talking to PetShopMan late at night – probably telling him about how gifted I am – and she didn’t notice me slip out with Billy. We were out for about an hour and it was raining hard then – but it was an excellent adventure although it was a bit scary and I didn’t really like getting wet much.
You should have seen the look on her face when I followed Billy through the cat flap! She thought I was upstairs asleep with Charlie or Garfield.
This time, though, was much better although I only stayed out for a few seconds because there was too much space and too much happening for me. I kept going in and out all day – for a few seconds at a time, and I kept rushing back to see if Mum was still there.
I saw all sorts of new things and there were lots of different smells. I saw Billy and Timmy digging a hole-thing in the garden and then they sat on it, like I do in the litter tray. I had noticed that I was the only one with an inside tray and I wondered where they went to the toilet, but it’s rude to ask where someone goes to the toilet, isn’t it? Now I knew. So I copied them and it was good fun. Timmy said I was a good boy and Billy slapped me on the back (a bit hard for my liking) and said I was one of the boys now, which made me feel good.
Thursday, 20th February 2003
Did SHEDLOADS of poo during the night. It was my own fault as I kept eating a bit of all the others’ dinners (like Goldilocks eating a bit of the Three Bears’ Porridge – wonder if SHE did shedloads of poo too? They don’t tell you THAT in the story, do they!)
When Mum opened the bathroom door in the morning I was sitting on the windowsill as there was nowhere else for me to sit. I had pooed on everything else. I had completely filled my litter tray to overflowing, then I accidentally did one on my bed and then I accidentally did another one next to it. And then I accidentally walked all over floor, sink, bath, and then jumped up the tiles to the windowsill leaving pooey paw prints behind me.
I thought Mum was going to faint with shock seeing me sitting on the windowsill as she’s never seen me up there before. But what I didn’t realise what that she hadn’t seen quite this much poo before – all in one go, so to speak. She looked all around the bathroom, and looked at me. ‘Oh Ollie!!’ she said, ‘how did this much poo come from one little guy like you?’
I didn’t know, but I was pretty impressed myself I must admit. It was an awesome amount.
I heard Mum telling PetShopMan about my poo-sploits and he suggested that I just drink cooled boiled water for the rest of the day to give my stomach a rest. I didn’t think that was very nice of him at all. I thought he was my friend.
But he was proved right because a couple of days of the cooled boiled water (with a few dried ‘sweeties’ at night) did the trick and after a while, the poo avalanche was over.
Tuesday, 11th March 2003
Today, life changed forever as I knew it again today, when Mum put me in the carrying basket and took me to the vets. It was very early in the morning and I think Mum had forgotten to give me any breakfast. AND she forgot to give me any supper last night. I was STARVING!!!!
When I got to the vets, I was taken away from Mum and a little bit of fur from my front paw was clipped. Then a needle-thingy was put in the space where the fur had been. Then I felt funny and sleepy.
Mum collected me later and gave me lots of cuddles and said I was a good boy. I wasn’t sure why I was a good boy because I couldn’t remember doing anything in particular out of the ordinary.
Later that evening, I had the shock of my life when I was having a bit of a wash – you know – ‘down there – and ‘down there’ wasn’t anymore!
I cried and Mum asked me what the matter was. ‘Down there has gone!’ I cried, having another lick in case I misplaced it somewhere else.
‘Oh Ollie!’ Mum said, ‘you’re a big boy now. You’ve still got some of ‘down there’, but the bit that makes you chase lady pussycats and want to have babies – well, most of it is at the vets.
Now you’ve got to wonder, haven’t you, what in the world the vet would be wanting with my ‘down there.’ You’d think he’d have his own ‘down there’ if he wanted to chase ladies …
Wednesday, 12th March 2003
I didn’t know it but tonight was my last night in the bathroom. I still kept licking my ‘down there’ in case it had mysteriously come back but no amount of licking and looking brought it back. None of the others have got their ‘down theres’ and Mum calls them all ‘Big Boys’ so perhaps it’s a ‘rite of passage’ or something that when you get to a certain age, the vet keeps your ‘down theres’ for a while. Maybe you get them back when you reach another certain age.
Anyway, I continued enlarging the funny shape I’d made in the bathroom flooring, which looked a bit rude (so Mum told PetShopMan), and now it’s got legs and ears and a face. Although I didn’t know what a daschund looks like, I do now because I heard Mum telling PetShopMan about it. I must be very gifted or psychic – perhaps losing my ‘down there’ has sharpened my other skills.
When Mum first saw it, she clutched the sink and went a funny green colour. She’s very clever the way her face goes all different colours. I think I know my name now because before she said ‘plums and custard’ she said ‘Oh Ollie!!’ and she sat down with a loud bump on the toilet lid and put her head in her hands and made a funny noise.
She must be beside herself with excitement and joy to have such a talented kitten like me coming here to live. One by one the others lined up to look at my latest paw work. One by one they looked at the daschund and then looked at me. One by one they said ‘Oh Ollie!!’ So I think that MUST be my name as everyone said it, but why I should have two names when they only have one is another mystery to me. (The other mystery is, as you know, why in Heaven’s name the vet would want to keep my ‘down there’.)
Friday, 14th March 2003
I am officially a BIG BOY now. Last night I didn’t have to sleep in the bathroom – which I was slightly disappointed about as I was still working on improving the daschund from Wednesday. But the upside of it was that I get to sleep in the dining room with all the others. I noticed they all have their favourite places for going to sleep and I had to find somewhere which could be my favourite place.
As soon as we had our supper and Mum turned the light off, said ‘good night boys’, and closed the door, Billy asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. Everyone else was going, even Garfield, and I didn’t want to be left behind so I said OK then. But outside it was a different colour to what it’s like when Mum’s around and I wasn’t sure if I liked it. I didn’t want Billy to think I was a scaredy-cat so I followed him up the path.
Everything looked different in the dark. Garfield told me that the dark stuff was called night-time and the light stuff was called day-time, and that you see and hear and smell different things in the night time to what you see and hear and smell in the day time. (You see – he knows SHEDLOADS of stuff!)
We had a good long walk, poking and prodding about in stuff and a funny little creature with lots of prickly things on it went by making strange grunty-type noises. Garfield said it was a hedgehog and under no circumstances should I ever touch one, because I would be sorrier than losing my ‘down there.’
All these new adventures wore me out and I slept most of the day.
Saturday, 22nd March 2003
Brought my first present home today. I was so excited and pleased with myself. Mind you, it didn’t put up much of a fight so it was a bit one-sided but Garfield and Timmy were impressed. Mum was in the kitchen and I laid it on the floor next to her feet so that she could have it if she wanted it.
She looked down and I could tell she was impressed. ‘Ollie, how clever you are!’ she said, turning it over for inspection and then relief swept over her as she discovered it was a piece of chicken.
Thursday, 27th March 2003
Garfield is 17 today!!!!!
That’s about a MILLION in cat years. Mum made him a little hat with ‘17 TODAY’ on it and despite Garfield muttering under his breath ‘DO I HAVE TO?’ she put it on him. I thought it looked good and after Mum took some photos of him, I wore it too. Mum laughed and took my photo too. ‘You’re only 7 months, Ollie,’ she said, ‘wait till you’re as BIG as Garfield!’
Garfield knows absolutely SHEDLOADS of stuff whereas I know shedloads of nothing. It was a nice day and we all kissed Garfield to wish him a very happy birthday.