Welcome readers, to my Spring Scribbling. 

Squirt and MoondanceUnfortunately I must start with a bit of worrying news.  My mother has gone missing.  She went out on the evening of April 24th and hasn’t been seen since.  Despite Staff and lots of other kind people searching, putting posters over a wide area, contacting rescue organisations, spreading the word on Twitter and Facebook and an appeal on local radio there have been no reported sightings of her.  Her absence is casting a dark shadow over us but we remain hopeful that she will return.  She hasn’t met with an accident, I’m sure of that, but I just do not know where she can be.  She has wandered off in the past but never for longer than three days, this time I think she must have gone off on a spring excursion and gone too far.  It would be typical of her because she can be rather silly at times.  So has someone taken her into their home?   Is she still wandering somewhere?  Either way, I sincerely hope that her inner cat will guide her homewards very soon.  For the first week or two I was utterly lost.  I searched, called and spent hours sitting on the gate just looking for any signs or clues.  I am the only cat at home for now, but I’m not alone – I have Staff, Manstaff and the dogs for company, even Pippin is being nice to me which is highly unusual - so I’ve told myself to stop moping, cheer up and get on with my daily life while I wait and hope that Mother will come home.

So, on a more positive note and with my sense of humour switched on, I thought I would tell you a bit about life Down on The Farm.

SquirtWe’ve lived here for about a year now and it really is a good place to be a cat.  There are no troublesome feline neighbours so life is peaceful and really rather fun.  The farm doesn’t belong to Staff, it’s owned by The Man in Black.  He lives opposite, I don’t know his name but he always wears black clothes and his language is appalling.  He knows more rude words than Staff and that’s quite an achievement!   In return for the vermin control service he allows me free run of the yard and the shed.  He always speaks when he sees me and doesn’t seem to mind a bit of cat poo in the straw.  His shed is the biggest building I’ve ever seen.  I’ve measured it and it’s exactly two hundred and thirty seven trots wide and four hundred and two trots long. 

Have you ever climbed to the top of a combine harvester?  The view is fabulous plus, after the harvest is over there are often mice nesting in the workings of the machine so there’s lots of fun to be had evicting them.  I love all the tractors, they are the best keep fit equipment a cat could ever have.  You can climb up on them, inside or underneath them, but you have to be careful.  For a start there could be nasty oils or chemicals which cats must avoid at all costs, but you wouldn’t think a cat could damage a tractor, would you?  Wrong!  I was scaling the big green one a few weeks ago when something gave way under me.  Oops, there was the wing mirror in pieces on the floor!  Well how the heck I to know it was only held on with one screw and a bit of wire?  Stupid man, he ought to maintain his stuff properly.

Farm life is never boring because it changes through the year with sowing, harvesting, planting, and haymaking.  Watching all the various jobs is fascinating.  If I’m in our house and I hear tractors I always go out to see what’s happening and to supervise the work.  Haymaking and harvest are the best because massive stacks of bales appear.  I like to clamber up to the top of the stacks and practise my kick ass moves where no one can see me.  I don’t need to be seen to be impressive!

The cows come into the shed for the winter and cows are totally and utterly cool.  They produce a lot of heat so the shed is always a nice cosy place to go in cold weather.  Towards the end of the winter the calving begins so I’ve witnessed many births and the calves are so funny tottering about on wobbly legs!  I’m not sure how many cows I have but it must be about a hundred.  By the time they go out to grass in spring the starlings and pigeons are breeding so, as one entertainment season ends another one begins.  

When the cows and calves have gone out the shed is quite empty for a while and the acoustics are fantastic!  One little mew fills the whole building with exquisite sound.  No one else seems to appreciate it but I need somewhere to practise my singing and to be honest I don’t care if Staff doesn’t like it, she’s a nincompoop with bad taste in music.  Bryan Adams?  Elton John?  Pah!

Of course the shed isn’t the only place I spend my time.  The yard is full of interesting stuff although I haven’t a clue what it’s all for, there are fields and hedges and I own the hunting rights over all of it.  The shed is mine, I own the yard, the fields are my property and the hedges belong to me. 

I thought that when we moved from my beloved old home by the reservoir that I would never really settle anywhere else but I’m pleased to say was wrong.    Yes, it’s a good life being a farm cat.

It’s time I was out on my nightly vermin patrol so I’ll say goodbye to you all for now. 

Your friend from Scotland,


Squirt has written a fantastic book: Reservoir Cats: True Stories and Cat's Eye Views from Squirt (aided by his Staff member: Penel Ashworth).

Available on Amazon Kindle here: Reservoir Cats

For a review of Reservoir Cats, click on this link


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