Does anyone else out there live with a physical wreck?  I imagine a lot of you kitties are nodding sagely and murmuring agreement.  If I were to go onto any street in any town in any country to conduct a survey I bet a year’s supply of ‘nip that the results would show over fifty per cent of adults who complain of being a martyr to a bad back or a gammy leg or some such affliction.  Not to mention the tummy bugs, sniffles and all those other things that are dramatically self-diagnosed as ‘flu’.

When you consider the health problems the average human has in a lifetime it’s quite astounding!  On the other paw, it’s hardly surprising.  I mean, look at the average human.  Personally I can’t think of anything more badly designed; their balance is appalling, they are so ungainly and clumsy it’s no wonder they strain themselves with the slightest effort.  Just watch your human moving around – clomp, clomp, shuffle, slouch – it just isn’t natural.  They don’t even know how to relax properly!  As cats we are naturally poised, elegant and graceful.  Our bodies are wonders of precision engineering, and what’s more, we look after them!  Have you seen what your human eats?  Most of them eat all the wrong stuff and far too much of it.  And do they exercise enough?  Not on your nelly.  I’ve told Staff that if she were to do a bit of crazy ‘nip fuelled dancing now and then, or run up a tree just for the sheer fun of it she would be fitter and healthier.  But of course she never listens.

So there we are, stuck with creaky humans, and we can only look on and shake our heads in utter despair.

 Staff, needless to say, is suffering at the moment.  She has set off her old back injury and Oh My God, don’t I know it!  About a month ago she decided in her wisdom to move a sofa; not just any sofa, a heavy solid beech framed one.  A day or two later came the inevitable grunts and groans, every step accompanied by “Ow! Argh! Oh Sh*t!”  Is there such a thing as a human who can suffer in silence?  I seriously doubt it.

And how has all this affected me?  Well, the constant grumbling for a start, and she can’t sit or keep still unless she’s laying on the floor so, of course, computer time has been very limited which means hardly any time on Twitter.  Twitter is my social life!  How am I supposed to keep in touch with all my friends with a malfunctioning typist?  But, because I care, I’m prepared to overlook this major inconvenience and even set aside my worries about how my catering and entertainment needs will be met.  Instead, I’ve been doing my best to help.  Fellow felines, you know what I’m talking about – Healing Purrs.

As cats we do not question the validity of Healing Purrs because we know what they are, we know how and when to give them and we know they work.  It’s a proven fact!  Look, all you humans out there – scientific proof!!

People, next time you have aches and pains, if your cat gets as close as possible to your afflicted parts, settles down and begins to purr do not push the cat away.  Just relax and accept that you are being treated to some special kitty style healing in the form of purrs at specific levels of sound and vibration.   Of course every time I tried to administer Healing Purrs to Staff all I got was “Gerroff Squirt!”, so I had to be sneaky and jump up on the bed to purr next to her when she was asleep.  Consequently Staff’s back is now improving nicely.  She visited the chiropractor twice in one week and thinks that’s what set her on the road to recovery…..

But, my purring pals, we know what really did the trick, don’t we!

 

A Cats Prayer

Lead me down all the right paths,
Keep me from fleas, bees, and baths.
Let me in should it storm,
Keep me safe, fed, and warm.

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