What is a birthday?

Hi Squirt,

URGENT question.  I can’t get my head around this at all!! I REALLY need your advice on this one, if indeed you are able to help Squirt as this is just such a weird puzzle.

I am just so puzzled by life and what it is throwing at me as I grow up. I think I have the answers to everything, then something hits me like a bolt from the blue, and just poleaxes me. This one has got me well and truly bamboozled!!

I am just soooo glad that you are there for me like a moggy-mentor with all the answers. I will never be as clever as you Squirt. Where do you get all your knowledge from?

Have you heard of ‘birthdays’? Have you had a ‘birthday’? What is a birthday exactly?

When I woke up, it was my ‘birthday’ I have never heard of, let alone had, a birthday before and was told that it was my ‘first birthday’. At first I was a bit perplexed. But now I want one every day as it was such fun.

However next day things just reverted back to the same old routine and all the bells and whistles of the thing called ‘birthday’, just stopped overnight!! It was as if my birthday had never happened.

But it was AMAZING!!!  From the moment I woke up I was spoiled and cuddled all day. I had presents, catnip mice and birthday cards which were great to bite. Wrapping paper which was rolled up into balls and flicked across the carpet for me to race after, and cat treats to gobble up quickly before Chav Cat sniffed them out and took them off me.

I even had a cat cake with a candle on.  I was just so chuffed. A cat cake all to myself AND I DIDN’T HAVE TO SHARE!  I kept trying to eat the cake and the candle before my mom could get me to pose for a picture to commemorate my first birthday. It was BRILLIANT, I wish I could have cat cake every day. Mom had several tins of cat cake and shared them with Dumpty and Chav Cat which I though was a complete waste, they didn’t have a candle on their tins of cat cake so I guess mine was a very special recipe just for me!

I had special treats and everything. I did a lot of purring whilst trying all my new toys and pressies out.  The day just flew by there was so much going on and I was sooooo clapped out when it was all over, I crashed out with excitement and tiredness expecting it all the happen again the next day….

But nothing. It was such an anti-climax

Dumpty says that birthdays are like Christmas; you only get one a year so you have to make the most of them. She says that this year will be her 17^th birthday. I don’t know how they will get all the candles on her birthday cat cake. Unless they make a mega huge one especially for her. Dumpty says that birthdays are something to do with age and that humans get them too.

Dumpty asked if I recall, my mom had a birthday a few weeks back and she too was spoiled all day. Friends sent her human catnip – champagne and red wine. I remember that mom had a cake with over 50 candles on. It illuminated the whole house and could be seen from space!

I sat and thought about it, then asked Chav Cat what birthdays are and if they do have something to do with age like Dumpty suggested. Chav Cat spat that it was rude to ask a lady’s age, and then thumped me between the ears before walking off in a huff grumbling and growling about how rude I was to ask how old she was!!!

Squirt, what are ‘birthdays’? Why do I only get one a year when they are so FABULOUS?  Why can’t I have a birthday every day? Have I got to wait a whole year before I can have another one?  When do you have your birthday Squirt?

Yours waiting with baited breath

Gabion Tzchugge
Tom Cat Towers

"It is easier to knit a cake than to understand a human"  

Hi Gabe!

Good to hear from you and I’m delighted that you have another question for me.  You have an enquiring mind which is a sign of great intelligence!

And as it happens, by asking what a birthday is you’ve managed to bring up one of the great mysteries of life.  Humans.  No matter how hard we try we will never be able to figure them out and we just have to accept that they are different from us.  Unfortunately, we have to live with them so we have to put up with the fact that they are just…...well…...weird.

We are cats, time is not important to us, is it?  We just go about our lives not caring what day it is or what time it is.  We wake and sleep when we like and do what we like for as long as we feel like doing it.  But humans?  They are ruled by calendars and clocks!  They attach huge importance to days and dates and they like to celebrate things like ‘birthdays’.  If I break the word down, you’ll understand what ‘birthdays’ are about; ‘birth’ and ‘day’.  Basically your humans are making a huge fuss about it being the same date as the day of your birth, albeit a different year.  For example, I was born on February 8^th 2009.  So on February 8^th 2010 it was my first ‘birthday’ and this year, 2016, February 8^th was my seventh ‘birthday’.  Next year you will be two years old on April 9^th – it will be your second ‘birthday’.  Do you understand that?  I think you do because you are a rather clever kitty.

What you must also understand is that humans don’t realise that we don’t think like them, so on our birthdays we get showered with gifts, fussed over and so on and they assume we know why they are doing it.  It’s all very well to do that for a day but then they expect us to understand that the next day is just an ordinary day!  No presents, no cards, no special food and they assume that we are ok with that.  Aren’t they the most perverse, unfathomable creatures?

So Gabe, the way to deal with birthdays (now that you know what they are) is to humour your humans and just enjoy the day.  One thing we cats are really good at is taking advantage of any given situation and this is the best thing to do when it’s your birthday.  Scoff all the special noms but beware any candles on the cake, you don’t want to singe your fur!  Play with the new toys!  Kill the wrapping paper and knock the cards off the mantelpiece!  Turn on the charm and fire up the purrs – all humans are suckers so you may as well milk the situation for as much fuss as you can possibly get.  Why shouldn’t you, it’s your birthday after all!

The next day you can play the humans at their own game and totally ignore them.  Why should you still be fascinated with the new toys?  Why should you go near the humans?  Spend the day being aloof, or maybe asleep since you’ll be worn out with the excitement of the previous day.  After that you have a whole year to look forward to your next birthday, and of course there will be other birthdays in the household to celebrate throughout the year too, not to mention Christmas, so put your party paws on and enjoy those as well.

After all, no matter how old we are, we cats are party animals!

Gabe, I hope you understand more about birthdays now.  Don’t hesitate to write if there’s anything else I can help you with,

High Paw!

Squirt 

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