The other week, our garden was full of legs. Not insect legs, you understand, but human legs, some were hairy and others were just legs. Mum had invited some people over for lunch and she had spent days cleaning the house to within an inch of its life. The house positively glowed with pride. Then she baked fit to bust; lots of nice smells came out of the oven but when Gibbs and I went to have a look she shushed us away and said ‘sorry, boys, it isn’t for you cats.’ But she did give us lots of our own treats to make up for the lack of us trying her new food.
The legs were spread all over the decking. Our clubhouse was used as a temporary table and Dad brought some chairs and a nice metal seat thing over so that there were plenty of places for people to sit down. Mum made a lovely seat cushion to go on the metal seat thing and when Gibbs and I tried it out we both fell asleep on it – it was that comfy.
However, once all the legs were milling around, it got too much for Gibbs. He doesn’t like legs. In particular legs with feet on the ends. And even more in particular, legs with feet on the ends in shoes. Gibbs is not a fan of shoes. He runs away when Mum puts her outdoor shoes on. We don’t know if he was kicked by someone before he found us, but he does seem very frightened of shoes.
I spent most of the afternoon under Mum’s seat. She kept jumping up and getting the legs drinks, and more things to eat. I don’t think she actually ate very much. From where I was lying, I could see up the shorts and I could see bits and pieces. I wanted to show Gibbs but he was three gardens away making sure he was nowhere near the legs with their feet. I wanted to tell him about the funny bits and pieces I could see up the shorts because I’m sure it would have made him laugh but I told him about it later. There are some things that a cat should never see, and one of them, is people’s bits and pieces. It’s enough to put you off humans for life! Our bits and pieces are all in one place, not hanging out the side of our shorts while we eat our dinner.
There was a little pair of legs too. Baby Paisley came and Uncle David and Auntie Tanya had brought a baby bouncer thing that looked really good fun. Baby Paisley bounced up and down in it for ages and her legs danced all over the place. I wanted to have a go but when they took Baby Paisley out of it, Uncle David took it to pieces again and it went in Baby Paisley’s Daddy’s car.
After all the legs had gone, and Gibbs had come back, Mum sat on the sofa exhausted. She had lots of food left over but she was too tired to eat anything. And the next morning the triple chocolate cheesecake went in the bin. Gibbs and I were hovering nearby to see if there was anything we could help her eat, but she said that triple chocolate cheesecake was no good for cats, and certainly no good for her hips. We couldn’t really answer that one because it’s one of those trick things that people sometimes say and however you answer, you’re in the wrong. So we kept quiet.
Catch you soon,