A little while ago I wrote about ‘Cati-quette’. Well, I’ve been given the ‘all clear’ from Above to continue with divulging what it is we cats are supposed to do when we share our lives with you. We do have a duty of care towards you and it is our responsibility to ensure that you live long and happy, and stress-free lives.
As part of our ongoing role in caring for you, it is our solemn duty that nothing untoward should enter your temple (i.e. your body) without first having been tasted by us to make sure that it is good for you. Some people allow us to lick their plates AFTER they’ve consumed the food that was on them, and that’s alright up to a point. We can get a brief, limited, image of how good or tasty that might have been for you, but you would do well to remember, Human, that we’re looking out for your best interests – so let us taste the food BEFORE you eat it!
My Mum doesn’t let us sleep with her so we’re not able to fulfil our part of this job description. Elsewhere, cats – and dogs – are selflessly spending all their waking hours fast asleep on their Human’s bed making sure the mattress is just the right thickness and designed with the utmost comfort in mind. Along with that, we must carry out Quality Control on duvets, pillows and any other blanket-type things you may put on the bed.
All this is carried out at no extra cost to ourselves. We aim to please. I’m allowed to sleep on Mum’s bed during the day but she has some silly rule about getting at least 8 hours sleep every night and ‘I’m not to be trusted’. Pfft. I don’t know what she means, but suspect that my predecessors may have tarnished the feline reputation for bed warmers.
Our Mum does a lot of knitting while she’s watching television. When she isn’t watching telly, or knitting, she’ll be on that sofa reading a book. Gibbs and I talk about this reading habit of hers. Really, we’re very worried about her because it’s surely not healthy to spend all your time reading ….
Gibbs will get up on her lap, whether she’s knitting or reading. I’ll be lying near her or next to her as I’m not a lap cat. Never saw the need for it, myself. But Gibbs tells me it’s a pleasurable experience until she fidgets or gets up to go to the kitchen to make a drink, or to go to the bathroom.
Which brings me neatly to the next point. Twitter has a strong anti-zombie policy and we cats have united throughout the world to be on the lookout for any strange goings on going on. If we suspect there are zombies in your area we WILL take action. As the bathroom is one area of the house where you disappear – sometimes for suspiciously long periods of time – this is when you are at your most vulnerable in the zombie coming to get you stakes. This is why, People, we cats will fall over ourselves – and you fall over us – in our bid to beat you into the bathroom so that we can take a quick search to make sure that you are completely safe. We couldn’t live with ourselves if we failed you in our duty to be on Zombie Alert. So if we scratch at the bathroom door, don’t tell us ‘I’ll be out in a minute!’, let us come in and protect you.
I hope I’ve clarified a few more points for you, but if you have any questions about our role in your lives, do not hesitate to contact Gibbs or me, and we’ll try to explain a bit more.
Till the next time,
love Casey xxx